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My selfish announcement that will disappoint many
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Vextor




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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:35 pm    Post subject: My selfish announcement that will disappoint many Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

First of all, this isn't said on a whim. This is something that has been on my mind for a while.

It's difficult for me to continue on the nation system. Primary concern for me is my own health, because my illness can be triggered with stress, and I recently had a re-lapse which forces me to be on strong toxic meds and chemo and all that jazz with many doctors appointments each week. My workplace has been very graceful in helping me, and despite my demeanor here I tend to be a low-stress and easy-to-get-along guy in the real world, so things are very low-stress on a day-to-day basis.

I've been having strange symptoms since late 2006, and I was diagnosed with a disease called "Wegener's Granulomatosis," in March 2007. Google it and see the images and you'll probably get sick from what it can do to you. The disease causes death. Fortunately medication exists to make it harder for me to die, but the disease can not be cured. One day this disease will kill me, whether it be in the next few months or in 80 years. The disease is rare and the cuase is unknown. Until 30 years ago everyone who had this disease simply died horrid deaths (basically by their body rotting away and shutting down). Now they have powerful meds with (powerful side-effects) that can control this disease to a certain degree. However, quality of life is nowhere near where it used to be, and so far I've had to cut back on many luxuries I've previously indulged in.

Treatment for my disease was going pretty well, and my doctors thought I put it into remission. Last week it was discovered that I'm already having re-lapses. Re-lapses can be caused by physical and mental stress, so I have to try what I can to reduce both of this so that I can continue to live.

Suikox remains to be a cause for stress, and I have tried what I can to find ways to reduce the stress this site causes to me. By giving out responsibilities to others, placing complete trust in moderators, and by generally avoiding the normal day-to-day forum affairs, I thought things would become easier. This worked to a certain degree, but it doesn't seem to be good enough. I can grind on, but it is fairly obvious I can not run the system the way it is for too long. I can't think of any alternative as well, and the system has existed too long to allow for significant changes without introducing pretty unfair results to certain nations, etc. The only way in that case is to be equally unfair across the board by simply "pressing the reset button."

Another reason I can not continue the nation system is because emotions are becoming too hot over who wins what or what nation did this or that, etc. Even with the system becoming automated to a high degree thanks to Mr. Fuji's magical hands, the number of factors involved in the system have become way too immense for myself and the admins to handle. I can not say with certainty that anybody truly understand all the rules of the nation system, anymore-- and that equals a failed system.

The difficulty is noted, and many people have told me the system is too hard to learn, etc. This has resulted in a number of people who are very good at this and they in turn have become over-burdened with people relying on their expert skill. This has led to people getting burned out and unhappy.

The bottom line is I wanted to create something that is fun, but it's becoming increasingly evident that this system is stressful for most all participants, and the reason people want it to stay is because of the "community aspect." Oddly enough, it seems the "community aspect" is in an odd relationship with the stressful aspect of the nation system, because the stress leads to bonding etc. By removing the nation system, I can see that the community aspect will likely lose its luster. This site will basically be like any other site that has a forum for each nation without any real purpose.

I haven't even discussed all of this with any of the admins (well, I lied because I just spoke with fuji), so you can see how selfish I'm being by dropping such a bomb all of a sudden. But there's never a "right way" to say stuff like this. I really do like this site and its people though and I've met many great folks here, some I've even met in real life. If I include all the times from year 2000 when I started getting into making suikoden sites, I've had many shits go wrong as well and pissed people off by being a dick. I've made up in most cases but some people still hate me and that's the way of things. But it was fun to work on Suikox while I had the capability to do so. Right now, I can't see myself as having that same capability as the final droplets of youth trickle away from my fingertips and my disease and medication puts my body through myriads of oddities. I can't continue on. I would really like to continue providing this place and think of ways to make things more enjoyable for you all, but I can't do it anymore.

With all that said, I don't have any plans whatsoever how to end the nation system. Can I just leave this big mess and be totally irresponsible? Please? Does that mean all nation leaders and moderators are fired now? Hmm... I guess so... in a way.

Okay... I'll press submit now. Don't hate me, and I'm very very sorry.
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John Layfield

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I support your choice 100% as sad as the end result may be.

The fact is, Vex, with all your health issues, if ending this helps your stress enough to make you feel even the littlest bit better or increase your chances of this thing going into remission by even a fraction of a percent then it is worth it.

This game went on for four years. After four years of essentially non-stop phases, no-one can feel like they have been cheapened by this. If it's the right choice for your body, then no-one should even dare to complain about this.
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Elc

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

There's nothing I can really say other than: I understand.

In the end, you have to do what's right for yourself and, as good as this community is, your health is far more important. The way I see it, you don't need to apologize as you've put time, effort and money into Suikox and, with the exception of a few others, the rest of us have just played in your sandbox.

Thanks for all of that time, effort and money you have put in for us, I just wish I could have helped out more.
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fuji




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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

As I said to you previously, I'd just like to re-iterate it. If this is causing you stress in your life, you have to do what's best for you and I fully support and agree with this decision.
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Ley

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

It's alright to be a dick some times, just don't be an ass, because ass' shit all over everything. It's completely understandable why you feel you have to do this, so don't feel too bad about it.
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Vextor




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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Thanks John. Your understanding is very helpful for me because Gaien is still fairly new and you've put so much effort into building that nation. It's hard for me to feel good about doing this at all, even if you say you understand-- but your comment really saves me. So thank you.

Dukat, thanks for your understanding. You've helped me with this site and I probably ended up making you do some dirty work too much! I hope that didn't permanently scar you emotionally or something and in that case I apologize.
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AA

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I don't see what's so selfish about giving years of enjoyment to literally hundreds of people.

It's a sad day, but it had to end sometime.
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Angelus

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Does that mean we can be all be one big happy family? *hugs a New Armesian*?

I should go and save old memories... just in case anything happens. ;_;
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Ujitsuna

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I can't find the words to spout emotional crap Vex I'm not really that kind of person and I don't think you are either, but there isn't anything wrong with your decision to do this.

You have my support in whatever comes at you in life.


Last edited by Ujitsuna on Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Seraphblade

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

It's sad, but very much understandable. For the time I was here, your site has provided me a great place to come to relieve some of my own stress and I have met many great people here. For that, I thank you Vextor.
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eXistence of Fly

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I don't think anyone in their right mind could hate you for taking this action, especially considering the circumstances that could eventuate should it continue. So first and foremost this is still just a site so you gotta do what you gotta do.
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Sophita

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Anyone who will flameroast you over this has lost all sense of perspective. Vex, if getting rid of the war game gives you relief in any way, then you should do it. This game went on for four years and I'm glad I played a part in it and I'm glad I got to meet all the people I have here because of it. But really, you know, it was never the war game that was the fun part, at least for me: Sure, the battles were interesting but the best part was getting to meet a whole sub-group of people in not one but two nations who held to a common identity and had a private forum all to themselves to meet, greet, and become great friends with. I met a lot of people who I probably never would have gotten to know otherwise, and if the nation system stops in that our entire national forums will stop, then I will be sad...Is it possible they will remain as clubhouse-type dealios or, now that the war game is gone, will most feel there is no point?

You know, I can't even claim to understand everything you've gone through in trying to make this decision, but, if it helps...I kinda think it was the right one. I've had fun in the game but I don't like how emotions have, at times, run quite high...I never try to take the war game that seriously, but I've lost friendships with people after either nation changes sides and I have always regretted that. I don't like it when something as silly as one coloured square of pixels can get between friendships. I'm kind of relieved, because now I don't have to worry about that anymore.

I remember being Queen of Falena, and getting stressed out at times over this game...It's funny, I've felt a lot less stressed since I became Gaien's viceleader and I can't help but wonder how much stress is on the nation leaders now. I try to help John as best as I can and the site as a whole as best as I can, but...There's such a large system now. It was hard to make sense of it all, even for me, who'd been here since the forums publicly opened.

I remember this forum for many things. I'm thankful to have met all the Falenans and Gaienites that I have; I'm especially thankful for meeting John here, my long-time boyfriend and soulmate. My life would have been so different had I not come here...and I don't like to think about that, because I don't think it would have been for the better.

Viva Falena. Viva Gaien. Viva Suikox.
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Vextor




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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Thanks Fuji for all your help. Thanks for you understanding too, because you've already done a lot of work for this site and made things much easier for me. I do feel bad to just end everything all of a sudden despite all of your work. You're a man with great skill, a unique past, and a personality that can deal working with me. Of course, the end of the nation system doesn't mean suikox is ending, either, so we'll probably be working together for a while still!

Ley, sorry about the sock drawer thing ye Welsh stallion. It will haunt my mind until I die.
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Calvin

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I've been in the Suikoden community since the tail end of the questions for Blue Moon site, so perhaps that has some effect on what I am about to say.

You have given so much to the english speaking Suikoden community that nothing you do at this point can make you a "Bad" person within the overall community. People can say whatever they want, but I've been around and I know that when other Suikoden sites fell or become embattled in drama or unreliability, I knew that if you were involved, than things would be reliable and fun. You had interesting ways of going about some things and sometimes I didn't agree with you, but no matter what anyone says, know that the community was blessed with the time you were around. You have had a true impact, and it would be selfish of us to ask for anything more.

Your curtain call was certain to come eventually. I'd hoped that it would be later rather than sooner, but I'm selfish like that. I like the fact that fans of Suikoden are luckier than other series fans to have had someone like you. I like the fact that Suikoden fans could always come to the place where Blue Moon, SARSAdmin, or Vextor was and know that something special was going on. I like the fact that I knew that I could trust that your site would always be exciting and fun. That I could trust your judgement, even though I knew sometimes you would do things I didn't understand.

I've always known that when you decided to leave, it would be the end of an era within the community. If you could see me right now, you would see that in my eyes there is no disappointment, no anger, and no resentment, no matter the things that may or may not happen in the future. There is only love, compassion, and a hope that you will be able to have a fullfilling life. I've seen many people leave the community, and now the greatest contributor of them all is going. How can I be anything but grateful for the things you have done?

Good luck, Bleu. May fortune find its way to your doorstep, and just as I had you in my life, may you have someone like you in yours.

PS: Your first words to me were in regards to the "Silence Rune," which I thought I was the first to discover. You replied to me and pointed out that the community already knew about it, ending by saying "That is all." So I guess now its my turn to say it to you.

That is all.
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Kikito

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I completely understand, Vextor. The one thing that comes to my mind is a big "thank you". You've accomplished quite a thing here, and though I haven't been here for the longest time, I can't help but feel a lot of gratitude for what you've done. Again, thank you.
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